The Pressure, The Pressure
Being a black woman is hard. I believe it is one of the hardest positions to fill on the earth. We have so many obligations, so many people constantly depending on us and so many people continuously expecting so much from us. We have to care for the kids, care for our men, excel at our job, be involved in church, be apart of community service projects and have time for our girlfriends. All of which have to be completed daily. There is no in between for a black woman.You are either a strong black woman accepting the responsibility of the world or you are weak and naive. And who wants to be weak and naive… not me. So what do we do?? We become completely stressed each day of our lives dealing and living with the intense pressures of doing what it is that we believe a strong black woman must.
Somewhere in between dealing with everyone else’s bullshit stuff, we have forgotten about the most important element… Ourselves. We have lost ourselves in the hustle and bustle of trying to conform to the ”alleged” characteristics that make up a black woman.
A couple years back I remember a close friend of mine had surgery. Her doctor informed her that she needed to take several weeks to heal, if not her condition would worsen. She called me in tears a couple hours later. I imagined she was sad because of the type of surgery she had to undergo. She later explained through her tears that she had too much stuff to do to be out of commission that long. She had to make her parents happy by maintaining her grades meaning being out of school was not an option. She had to take her younger sister to school in the mornings because no one else could. She had to finish her internship, she had prior commitments on campus. She told her friend that she would help her plan a surprise party for their friend. She was too consumed with everyone else’s bull to take time off after surgery, this is why she was crying.
She was crying because being out would cause her to be a burden to people. Being out would cause her to be weak, being out would cause her to need help from the people she was so used to catering to. I told her like I tell all my completely stressed out girlfriends. You need to take care of yourself first, you are your ultimate responsibility, you are powerless without your health and sanity.
So ladies, more specifically my black ladies… It’s easy to forget about the most important person in your world…YOU.
Alleviate the pressures by taking time to be reintroduced to yourself, it’s been wanting to be reacquainted with you for ages now, so give it a chance. It makes a huge difference in your happiness and overall well being.
Peaches&Gumbo
Cut Buddies…
Est-ce que nous coupons??
Cut Buddies, a phrase coined by mainstream hip hop years ago is the topic of discussion for today World. Lets start with a definition.
Cut Buddy- n. a friend with whom you engage in sexual relations with. That is it, committment, passion and love not required and are strongly discouraged with a cut buddy. Also known as a Friend with Benefits.
Having a Cut Buddy can result in extreme happiness for the noncommittal folks out there but it can also result in an immense amount of stress as well. You must proceed with caution when choosing to add benefits to your friendship. This is an extremely delicate process that takes a lot of thought and analysis if you plan on having a successful friend with benefit situation.
You see a cut buddy when evaluated properly can be a great thing to have. Why you ask? Well because with the establishment of a cut buddy or friend with benefit you are guaranteed continuous sex. So after that relationship goes awry you can always count on your “friend” to be there with the type of loving you need. Or if you are dating someone new and no committments have been established but you don’t want to put out so quickly, call up your cut buddy and that need can be fulfilled, no questions asked.
But sometimes cut buddies can bring a ridiculous amount of stress and drama. This occurs when you do not properly evaluate the person that you go into the cut buddy situation with. For example, you decide that the best cut buddy for you is your ex... this always ends badly, don’t do it stupid!!!!!
You decide that the best cut buddy for you is your homeboy’s girlfriend… if you do this I assume you enjoy getting your ass beat.
You decide that the best cut buddy for you is a psycho who has 3 hundred photos of you strategically placed around their bedroom… i love my readers and i don’t want to hear you guys died over sex, it’s never that serious.
And finally you decide that the best cut buddy for you is someone that you work with or just someone you have to see all the time… this will always make a situation awkward and then cut buddying it up later on that night won’t be so good, and then what’s the point if it’s not going to be good, DUH!!
I am not in anyway against acquiring a cut buddy, actually low key I suggest it if you aren’t looking for Mr. or Miss Right at this time. But please choose your buddy wisely so that you may have the most and greatest stressfree unattached sex ever.
Peaches&Gumbo
You are Just Too Damn Old!!
Hmmm.. So I had a very interesting weekend as usual. So the whole week last week this guy insisted that I come out to his party, even though I usually am not in the clubs like that I decided to go since my cousin was in town. We get there, walk up to the front and go in. Seems normal right… wrong!! Inside everyone is about 40 and up. I was so pissed. The men were adorned in linen leisure suits with those little sandals and the women had on the best Ann Taylor and Dress Barn money could buy, I was so offended. I was sure that any minute I would bump into my uncle or worst my grandfather. The night followed with everyone doing the electric slide and singing Frankie Beverly and Maze. Just bad, it was just really bad.
This experience inspired me to come up with my Do’s and Don’ts for the Old Folks…
- Don’t go to the club after the age of 45. It is distasteful to see an old man hounding younger females and dancing up on females, it makes me throw up a little in my mouth.
- Ladies: Don’t wear low cut shirts or short skirts/shorts. Things have happened over the years that make it no longer sexy for you to have your breast and butt even remotely out. Stop this no one wants to see it.
- Men: Don’t try to talk to girls that could be your daughter or granddaughter. This is utterly ridiculous and it makes you look like Chester the Molester.
- Don’t wear urban brands with logos plastered across them. These brands include but are not limited to Roca Wear, Baby Phat, Apple Bottoms, Enyce, Phat Farm and Sean John. They were not made for you, therefore don’t put them on your damn body.
- Do shop at Ann Taylor, J.Crew, Brooks Brothers and Gap. These places have as you would say,“hip” clothes that won’t make you look like you are trying to be young.
- Do have card parties or shin digs at your house, clubhouses, or restaurants.
- Don’t try and use the newest slang. Most times you are saying it in the wrong context and it makes you look old when you do that, not young.
- Don’t try and be young. It is a blessing that you have made it successfully to this age. Don’t shortchange your wisdom by trying to act like a 25 year old. It is unsuccessful everytime.
*If you are reading this and you are the Oldy But Goodies out there please abide by these Do’s and Don’ts. They will save you a lot of embarassment.*
*If you are reading this and you are not an Oldy but Goody please pass this along to that Mom, Dad, Aunt or Uncle who suffers from the not wanting to look and act their age syndrome, it will save their lives.*
Peaches&Gumbo
Case of the Ex
All of my friends are going to be mad at me about this post but so what it’s my freaking blog, lol. Why is it that no matter how hard you try you can sometimes never get over your wretched ex? Why is it that no matter where you go or what you are doing, sometimes everything reminds you of them? Why is that after one hundred months I am still wondering all of these things?
Someone once told me that however long you are with someone is the amount of time it will take for you to get completely over that person. Well guess what my due date passed awhile ago and he is still on my mind from time to time. I mean don’t think I am this crazy stalker person who can’t eat or live without him being around. Because trust me, I have been quite happy without him. It’s just that whenever I am in between a “relationship,” I find myself thinking of him and how we used to be and maybe even if we could ever get back together. So what do you do world, you do what no one should ever do.. you call them.
Yeah your weak ass calls him/her up. Why oh Why do we do this??? I ask myself this question every single time i do it. And the sad part is that i actually have an answer. We do it because we don’t want to be forgotten. We want to see that even though the other person has moved on that you still have some type of affect on them. In my case I usually don’t really care how they are doing or who they are seeing I just want to get a reaction when I call. Sad, I know. But I know I am not the only person who does this so stop judging me, lol.
Ok so let’s take a pledge everyone, repeat after me.. I (insert name here) will not call, text, facebook, or contact my ex in anyway. Because they are my ex for a reason. I will move on with my life happily and if I do have a sappy moment and have a memory about the lame I used to date, I will quickly replace it with an illicit image of (insert sexy celeb name here). And lastly but most important I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever have sexual relations with my ex because I am so great that he/she will get sprung and be hiding in my bushes.
Live by it, I am telling you I am an expert, I have been there over and over and over and over again. Don’t be like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peaches&Gumbo
Answers to the ???
Questions I ask myself:
1. Why do people wear dirty shoes? Because they are stupid!!
2. Why do homeless men think they have a chance when trying to talk to you? They don’t have anything else to do.
3. More importantly why do stinky, old men think they have a chance when trying to talk to you? Still don’t know the answer.
4. Exactly what drugs are Lil Wayne on and why don’t more musicians take them so more good music can be produced? All of the drugs available in North America.
5. How long does it take to get over an Ex? However long you were with this person is the time it’s going to take to get over their weak asses them… I know right, damn!
6. Why do guys try and talk to their friends girl behind his back? Some hoes girls are down
7. Where are all the cool n***s at these days? Still don’t know the answer
8. Why does white wonder bread always get stuck to the roof of your mouth? Still don’t know the answer
9. Why is every guy born between 1983-1987 5′7? It’s something in the water.
10. Why do people hold conversations in the club? These are the only conversations they can ever experience.
11. Will guys play video games when they are 60? Yes
12. Can you only use “re-nig” while playing spades or can it apply in other life issues? It can be used in life issues as well according to a recent poll.
It Kinda Sucks…
Be Proud!
If I happened to be of non black heritage, watching the first installment of the Black in America CNN special I would have thought to myself, “Man it kinda sucks to be black.” . I mean I along with a couple of friends that text me during the special felt an overwhelming depression while watching. I definitely applaud Soledad O’Brien’s efforts for taking on the task of attempting to give Americans an opportunity to see what it is to be Black in America, on a network as broad as CNN, because I am sure it was not an easy feat.
But I think it left out a very important component to being Black in America. PRIDE!!
i don’t know about you world but I guess I look at things differently. Yes it is a struggle sometimes to be black and yes we are often overlooked which causes disparities in health, education and wealth. But guess what? These struggles make us who we are. The strong, resilient culture that is no ones but ours. We have something that many emulate but could never come close to duplicating. I just don’t want you guys out there to be depressed and ashamed of being apart of the most beautiful cultures ever. And sometimes specials like this can do that. We do have a lot more to do as a culture but we have come so far. And I don’t want America to forget that. I mean DUH, a partially BLACK MAN is the presumptive democratic nominee for the President of the United States of America.
**If this does not make you beam with pride I assume you have no soul.**
Peaches&Gumbo
CNN Presents Black In America
Tonight @9pm ET.
Make sure you guys catch the first installation of the CNN special,”Black in America.” Tonight it will examine the Black Woman and family. This two part series should be interesting to watch and later discuss so make sure you watch it tonight @9pm ET.
Umm Girl, your boyfriend is Gay
What What in the Butt??
So I think i heard just about the craziest thing ever the other day. My friend was talking about a friend of hers who is dating this guy. As I listened to the shenanigans of the relationship that they are beginning to forge, my friend told me some very disturbing information. Listen to this world!! The guy tells her friend, “Hey, um if you ever hear anything about me sleeping with guys, don’t worry about it, it’s just a rumor.”
WHAT?!? I know you all are reading that last statement like. Burrrrrrrrrr!!(the Scooby Doo sound, not bear growl) Clearly at this point in the relationship its time to get those bags and keep it moving fast!!
So my question to the ladies is, Why do you date clearly gay men? I mean this is just growing to be ridiculous. First we have women like Terry McMillan and Star Jones who have been married to gay men and they justify it by saying I didn’t see it coming and there were no signs. Well ladies I am here to educate and help you so that you will not be forced into a relationship with a clearly gay man.
*Disclaimer* If you are homosexual, embrace it because others will embrace you. There is nothing wrong with this lifestyle at least in my opinion. Do what you do it’s your life, don’t worry about what others think of you!!
So here we go, these are my Signs that you Are clearly dating a Gay Man:
1. He gets his eyebrows arched: Look there is nothing wrong with a man keeping himself up and if you have a Bert (that’s a uni brow for people who never watched Sesame Street) then please go and cut that little middle piece off. But You should never have an arch, that is Clearly GAY!!
2. He has a suspect tattoo: Tattoos can be very sexy and even manly but if your boyfriend has a tattoo on his lower back or on his pelvic bone, he is Clearly GAY!!
3. You have heard from other gay men that he is gay: Now there are the circumstances where people start rumors. But if a group of your gay friends tell you that your boyfriend is gay it is almost 98% going to be the case that he is Clearly GAY!!
4. He has a couple of openly gay friends whom you’ve met: OK so yeah there are those friends who finally figure out that it is OK to come out of that closet and become openly gay later in life, these friends are the exception. But if your guy has several openly gay friends I hate to tell you that this just would not happen with completely Hetero men so he is Clearly GAY!!
5. He begged to go with you to the Beyonce Experience Tour,and the Sex and the City Premiere: I don’t think I have to explain this. But let me just say that the only guys who were pressed to go to these events were Clearly GAY!!
6. He gossips with you:OK there is nothing wrong with getting closer to your boo by talking to him about the ridiculous antics that your girlfriends do. But when you are so deep into gossiping about someone that you forget that you are talking to your boyfriend and you accidentally say, Girrrrrrrrrrlll. I am sorry he is Clearly GAY!! You would never accidentally call a guy this unless they were gossiping with you like your girlfriends do.
So ladies I hope this enlightened you on some situations you may possibly face or have faced.
Like I said earlier there is nothing wrong with being homosexual but come on please don’t involve others who are completely clueless to your lifestyle, it isn’t fair and it isn’t safe.
Peaches&Gumbo
??????
Questions I ask myself:
1. Why do people wear dirty shoes?
2. Why do homeless men think they have a chance when trying to talk to you?
3. More importantly why do stinky, old men think they have a chance when trying to talk to you?
4. Exactly what drugs are Lil Wayne on and why don’t more musicians take them so more good music can be produced?
5. How long does it take to get over an Ex?
6. Why do guys try and talk to their friends girl behind his back?
7. Where are all the cool n***s at these days?
8. Why does white wonder bread always get stuck to the roof of your mouth?
9. Why is every guy born between 1983-1987 5′7?
10. Why do people hold conversations in the club?
11. Will guys play video games when they are 60?
12. Can you only use “re-nig” while playing spades or can it apply in other life issues?
Being the Initiator
No More Grudges
Yesterday my pastor said somethings that really got me to thinking about a major flaw that I possess. You see world I have a major problem. (I know right, me with a problem?!!)
I hold grudges. But I am not just your around the way ordinary grudge holder. Once someone has shown to me that they are completely grimy and sheisty individuals I simply cut them out of my life. It goes like this: i erase your number from my phone and any remnants of you, i.e. text messages or pictures, then i refrain from bringing you up and just pretty much forget you ever existed. Harsh right, I know. It is definitely something that I have been working on.
As much as i love to justify how I completely cut people off, it is wrong. My pastor said it eloquently as he explained that you will never find ultimate peace within yourself by harboring these emotions through holding grudges. You see, you have to be the initiator in the circumstances. Everyone experiences a heartache or wrong doing. A significant other cheating, a best friends betrayal, or family leaving you out to dry. But as the saying goes you have to step out of your hurt and the pettiness of a grudge and be the bigger person. Cliche’ I know, but by following this cliche you will find that peace that you have been yearning for.
So for everyone out there, I will be the initiator. I forgive everyone who has ever wronged me (one person in particular), and I apologize for being immature, petty and completely cutting you out of my life. See it’s as easy as that, bring on the peace. You can do it!!
Peaches&Gumbo
peachesngumbo