What are you trying to say exactly???
I think we should start today’s post off with a definition.
Communication: to express thoughts, feelings, or information easily or effectively.
Apparently a large majority of guys are unable to do this. Don’t get me wrong here, guys can talk and even listen but when it comes to actually needing to get a point across effectively, you guys are pretty horrible at this. I have spent a large majority of my relationships attempting to decode and analyze what has been said to me by a guy. Ladies, you can all agree with this process. Your guy says something completely obscure or vague to you about what he’s feeling and you have to enlist your friends to try and aid you in decoding what he actually meant. It’s a very tediuos process that I find myself doing quite a bit.
I mean just last night a guy I am in a situation with sent me a completely obscure text message and I had to enlist the advice of a male friend to enlighten me on what the guy was trying to get across. Ridiculous!! I mean there was no way that I would have been able to figure out that an invitation is spelled out like…” idk about you but Im going home.” Who knew?? I thought an invitation would sound more like… “Im going home alone unless you wanted to go with me.” Oh well I guess my inability to decode left me alone last night. DAMN!!
But to combat those lonely nights I figure that maybe I could help some of you gals out there with a little male decoding.
The Invite
Ok so it’s the end of the night, you’ve had all the fun that can be had with other people watching and you both are heading home. Most times no matter how confident or bold the guy seems, he probably feels some type of way about coming right out and asking you if he can come over. So he will ask something like: “what you bout to get into?” or the latest one “i don’t know about you, but I’m about to go home. Now both of these will lead into more conversation which will then lead into the actual invitation several minutes later. This is quite time consuming and irritating to the female and would end in more of a success if you would just be upfront and ask for what you want. Remember: confidence is the sexiest asset on a guy and if you don’t have that, you’re invitation will be promptly declined.
Not Interested
You and your guy have been “going steady” for a couple weeks now and lately he has become slightly distant. You try with all your might to figure out what is wrong with him but he keeps telling you he is fine and you are just over reacting. Well until that one day you call and he doesn’t answer. So you follow your call up with a text, which he doesn’t answer. At this point you are frustrated because he always answers. Several frantic calls and text messages later, still no answer. I hate to tell you this girl, but he is over you. What we fail to realize as women, is that if a guy has a genuine interest in you he will always find a way to either talk to you or be around you. He will make a way because he likes you. When you have to bribe him with dirty texts or threats for him to call or text you back, he’s so not interested so leave it alone. This is incredibly immature but at the end of the day, I assume guys feel that it is better to just not respond so that they won’t have to deal with the drama of explaining to the girl why they aren’t interested so they just stop answering. LOSERS!!
I Like You
So I have found that guys just have a really hard time being the first to admit an emotion. But there are a couple of ways to know if he likes you. If he says, “You’re one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met” or “No other girls compare” he probably has a little flame burning for you. By comparing you to other girls, he feels like this shows you’re the best and in turn this comparison is a way for him to show he is feeling you. Guys always want the best and by putting you at the top of the list you’re just what they want.
Lastly, here is the one that I always have trouble figuring out. When the hell are guys truly upset with you? Simple, if they just want to drop a subject when you bring it up, they walk away from you or they keep indicating that they feel indifferent about a situation. These are all clear indicators that they are pissed about something and you should give them a little time and then apologize. Once you do that, they will talk to you about it.
Now you see gals, all those strange actions actually mean something, they aren’t just being all dumb and crazy. They are just slightly slower when it comes to effectively communicating with humans, lol.
Peaches&Gumbo
Just A Friend Revisited
If you are an avid reader of this blog you all read my warning about the person that you have deemed as your opposite sex “Friend.” Well guess what, apparently everyone did not take heed to my warning, and more importantly, I am so over the “friend,” thus it must be revisited.
But I will give this person the benefit of the doubt, I am assuming that their utterly out of place comments and actions occur because they may be unaware that they are this “friend.” So as usual I have compiled a list to aide you guys in figuring out if you fit into this category or not. I mean I am here to help!!
You Are in the “Just A Friend” category when:
1. You are constantly questioning the situation that your opposite sex friend is in. Situation includes but is not limited to: low key relationships, out in the open relationships, cut buddy relationships or maybe even friendships. You are always asking your friend why they are involved in this?? or what is it that keeps you in this situation?? Realize that You’re a hater, if you do this and if the girl or guy involved has not Chris Browned your friend, has an STD, is an all around bad person or has slept with your friends brother or sister then you need not comment.
2. You are constantly making comments to the non friend in the situation. Uh yeah I know you guys are like I wish a (insert obscene word here) would say something to me. But it happens, these people get incredibly bold and feel that they have the place to comment to whomever is involved. Never, I repeat never say any out the way comments to your friends situation. It is not your place, you are not involved therefore… (clears throat) don’t involve yourself. At the end of the day it makes you look like something possibly is going on with you two or you are crazy. Stop This.
3. You befriend your friends situation in order to bad talk your friend to them. This is just crazy, but it has happened to me. If you have suddenly become all buddy buddy with your friends situation out of a common interest, cool. But if you find yourself revealing that your friend has messed with so many people, or girl i could never see myself talking to this person because…, then you are a top candidate in the category.
All in all, if you are not involved in something, stay the hell up out of it. Neither person involved needs or wants you to add any validity to their situation and they are grown ass people so they can figure it out on their own. So keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself and if you get bored, find a hobby… take up knitting or something.
Peaches&Gumbo
Wait No More
Ahhh! You just started dating the most amazing guy/girl. They make you laugh, you guys have a ball together and you get giddy whenever they send you those random text messages throughout the day. Everything is just so new and great. As time passes, the physical attraction increases and you could want nothing more than to… well you know. So when is it appropriate to go through with the do?? Well of course there are a few necessities that must be taken care of before i get into this topic. It is 2008 and disease is rampant, so before you do or think to do anything both parties should be knowledgeable of each others std status. Ok now that, that is out the way.
Ladies a lot of you have trouble coming to a conclusion to this question and instead depend on the opinion of friends or television shows such as Girlfriends…(Joans 3 month rule). But really as a grown ass woman, should sex with someone you genuinely care be based upon a timeline. I mean this sounds a bit immature but maybe thats just me. Now I am not saying that upon meeting a guy at the local club you should immediately take him home after he has introduced himself to you but it makes no sense to hold off for months and months doing something that you are going to eventually do anyway.
Guys you equally have an issue with coming to the conclusion of this question. Although most of you would more than likely love to lay your special lady down immediately, you also know that if this were to happen she wouldn’t be so special to you anymore. So although I do not think there should be a specific timeline, that does not mean that you should proposition your girl mere hours after you guys have begun dating exclusively.
My answer may leave you a tad salty but so what, its my blog… you can leave, lol.
But I believe that you should wait until you can’t wait anymore. Aww come on peaches, what the hell does that mean. Simple, when you both get to the point where neither of you can even think of going another moment without exploring each other, then BAM you should get it poppin. This means that it has to be a mutual feeling between the both of you. How can you tell when this happens you ask?? You will know, it will almost feel like both of you have to pee really badly.
1.Everything will start to get awkwardly quiet when you are watching a love scene in a movie.
2.Most late night conversations will slyly end up entering into the sex talk zone.
3.Kisses will become deeper and longer.
4.Lastly, both of you will just become so ridiculously frustrated with each other that the inevitable will be bound to happen.
When you wait until you cant wait anymore, trust me it will be the most memorable night of each of your sexy lives.
Peaches&Gumbo
The Missing Element
What do 50 cent, Jay Z, and Weezy F. Baby have in common???
Only that women around the world have at one time in their lives fantasized about these men. And why?? 50 looks quite gorilla esque and Wayne is a clear ancestor of Gizmo from the Gremlins. But yet women are always swarming around these fellas.
It’s because they own something that many guys lack tremendously. And no, I am not talking about a jet or a million dollar vitamin water ad. These fellas have SWAG. I know you are reading like, uh if they weren’t gatrillionaires girls wouldn’t even notice them. Ok maybe their money gives them a little push over the edge but they all still have an immense amount of Swag.
I don’t know what it is but I always find myself attracted to the, “Uh yeah I guess he’s cute when I squint my eyes and tilt my head slightly to left guy.” But the difference between this guy and the sexy Idris Elba lookalike is that he got my attention by more than just looks. He commanded my attention by his charm and his inner confidence and to me that’s so much more sexier than anything else.
So in the words of T.I. get yo swag up fellas. How do you do this you ask?? Well I am glad you asked that, see my Get yo Swag up Compilation Below:
1. Be a guys guy. This person is loved by all guys because they are one of those genuine cool ass dudes. Most guys have little to nothing negative to say about this guy. This is important because ladies will do their research and it looks excellent if their close guy friend approves of you. This could raise a 4 easily to a 6.
2. Be Tight. All I am saying is be on your shit. Have yourself together. Be so successfully assured in whatever it is you do or are aspiring to do that nothing can negate you from that path. Nothing is sexier than a guy with goals, aspirations and hope. All women want is a little security and if you can offer that, you can get it today if you want, LOL.
3. Be charming. I once talked to a guy who charmed me out of everything, literally. I mean I was so into him that I couldn’t see anyone else. He didn’t offer much but everything he said was so pleasing and fascinating that i was absolutely captivated with him. If you have an attractive personality and can keep me enthralled in the things you just simply say… hold on I gotta change my panties, darn it!!
So Bam, there you have it. Trust me with this swag thing. With it you will be on every females mind and dudes will have respect for you too. It’s a win win. Get yo swag up fellas!!
Peaches&Gumbo
There’s always One
Time to attack the friend groups of the world. Most people have a group of people in which they are seen often with. In high school we called ourselves CHSD, lol the memories. Shout out to the homies.
Ok I’m back. Now the friend group usually consists of 4 or 5 people that you hang out with. For example, you would call these 3 to 4 people up when going out and you could potentially need someone to jump in on a fight. I’ll give you a second to picture the group… do you have it yet??
So within the friend group you always have the following characters:
First up the elder of the group. The elder is the friend who goes out of their way to protect the group. They always have a little less fun than the rest of the group and they are usually the extreme cock blocker. The friends know that the elder is looking out for their best interest but damn it wouldn’t hurt to loosen up just a little bit.
Next up is the entertainer of the group. This person knows how to party and have fun. They bring out the fun in the group and most often stands in as the mediator when there is turmoil in the group. Because duh, it takes away the fun n stuff.
The messy friend is our next feature. This friend is always involved in some type of melodramatic antics. They always have something to say about everything and often takes up time complaining about every damn thing. You can catch them trying to fight at the club or talking loud at some random person at the grocery store. You secretly hate this friend but you keep them around because ya’ll have either been friends forever or because you simply feel empathetic or just purely obligated.
The loose friend is always in every group. This friend is down for whatever when it comes to the opposite sex or same sex. They never really tell you specifically who they talk to or if the rumors are true but you just kind of figure they are. You do not bring your significant other around this person out of fear that your friend has slept with them. You love your loose friend but would never sit on their toilet seat. You keep them around because face it, they know no one else could befriend them so they are the most loyal in the friend group.
Lastly you have the lame friend. Everyone has a lame in their friend group. This person is cool as hell but they just completely dress wack as hell or they have not entirely developed interpersonal skills. This is your true blue friend and they would do anything for you, even though you are sometimes embarrassed to be around them.
And for an added bonus we all have the friend who just can not get it together. They may still rock those inital shirts or wear big gaudy jewelry. Or no matter what they do their hair just won’t do something right. In essence they just can never get it quite right.
**So there you have it world, let me know if you disagree or agree about these characterizations. If you agree n stuff tell us about your wonderfully complex group of friends**
Peaches&Gumbo
Sexy vs. Cute
So apparently, I’m cute. I know right, who knew, lol.
But seriously, one of my guy friends explained to me once that I was a cute girl, not to be confused with being a sexy girl. At first I was very offended by this statement because I thought he was saying that I didn’t add up in the looks department or something rude like that. But he explained that while there is a difference it’s not bad to just be merely cute. Quite honestly, in some situations it is better to be considered the cute girl. So whats the difference you ask?? Well that’s why I’m here readers of the world, so you can know the gosh doggone difference.
A cute girl is one that has a pretty face, nice/average shape, and is easily recognized as being good looking. The things that stand out about this girl are: personality, her ability to care for others, her drive and determination and her intelligence. When it comes to sex she is good at it but rarely tries completely to the left things. She is a compatible lover and knows what her guy likes and aims to please in a sweet, soft porn type of way. This girl usually is the type that can be loved by the mamas and the homeboys. In essence a package deal when it’s time to settle down and have small niglets.
The sexy girl is one that does not have to look that good. Apparently looks have little to do with a sexy girl. A sexy girl has swag and she oozes sex. When she walks, her hips sway and hypnotize every guy even remotely near her. She always wears clothes that accentuate her shape, and she spends lots of time on her appearance. Meaning make up is always above par, hair never out of place, nails and eyebrows always done. The things that stand out about this girl are: her body, her lips and her eyes. When it comes to sex she is nothing short of a lioness in the sheets. She could care less about her partner, she is comfortable doing whatever it is that gives her pleasure. Unlike the soft porn cute girl, she is like one of those hard core OMG! they are having sex on the concrete porns. You’re not quite sure if you could take her around your homeboys because she is just so damn sexy and I am not sure how your mama would react to your girl sucking your fingers at dinner. In essence she is secretly what every girl wants to be and what every guy just plain wants. She is independent and confident.
**these are only 2 types of females, there are several more that will be discussed in later entries**
My advice to the cute girls is to take some shit from the sexy girl side and add a little XXX to yourself, I know thats what I’m trying to do.
Do you agree with the sexy v. cute philosophy world?? Let’s Hear what you gotta say n stuff!
Peaches&Gumbo
So this is 21, eh
As you know, World I turned 21 on Monday. I don’t know about you but I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for this moment. I mean it seems so appealing from the outside looking in. Almost like I was finally invited to this exclusive party. But I mean it ain’t all that, dang it sucks saying that.
I live in Atlanta, so you can’t really do anything fun unless you are 21. So I was too thrilled when I got in my first club this past Monday. Let me set it up for you. Now imagine this… no cover charge, free martinis until 12, a packed crowd, the best music, cool air and I must say it was some fine guys in there. Seems like this would include all the needed ingredients to bake up the most delicious party ever, Right… Wrong!
So apparently when you are over 21 you cant dance, or enjoy the music being played. You have to just kinda stand around, drink, look cool and talk about everyone that passes you. As my friend said, “Everyone has to just stand around and think about being over 21 the whole time.” This is so lame.
I don’t understand why you would be surrounded by so much fun and not partake in it. Why get dressed, put on make up, cologne/perfume, waste gas and precious time going to a club and not dance. This is so stupid.
How can you stay still as a woman when “Get me Bodied” or “I love Your Girl” comes on. As a man why wouldn’t you grab a girl when “Take Me Down” comes on. You people are dumb, and I hate you. Stop coming out, you can stay at home and look at people on damn TV.
I hope it gets better for me because right now I am thinking about giving up on the wack ass 21 and up club scene.
Can someone help me understand??? World please answer me this, Why do people go to the club and stand around??
Peaches&Gumbo
Starting Anew… Tips for a Dating Come Back
So you finally are over your wretched ex, you took that much needed “Me Time,” that Heather Headley sang about and now you are ready to jump back into the dating scene. But the thing is you forgot what to do and how to do it. As a professional dater, I have decided to help you out and feature some tips to being a successful and progressive dater.
Tip 1. Go into each date with an open mind. OK so I am not saying that you should be oblivious to clear losers but you should start each date fresh. Meaning don’t pre judge the person or compare them to your ex. This is how you completely spoil a potentially good dating experience.
Tip 2. Be fun. There is nothing wrong with laughing aloud, telling “good” jokes that have been previously approved as funny. Guys like funny girls and guess what guys, girls love funny guys. A little personality leaves a lasting impression.
Tip 3. Ladies: Be approachable and don’t be scurred to be the approacher. I hate going out and seeing ladies with that my upper lip stank so I gotta look like this look on. It’s not cute, so stop it and a guy is not going to approach you looking all mean n stuff. Also there is nothing wrong with you initiating conversation with a guy you may find attractive. Don’t be all thirsty but don’t be afraid to offer a simple, “hey” the world won’t end, I promise and you are still fly as hell.
Tip 4. Guys: Don’t Brag. OK so you have a huge loft downtown… great, you drive a Benz on weekdays and a Porsche on the weekends…Whoo!!!, you can get me in any club/lounge/concert/movie premiere free… Oh Shit, for real!!. While all these things are impressive, it is out of pocket to mention them in order to get a date and it’s annoying because most guys that do this, have none of these things anyway. Be yourself and let her find out about that stuff later, because the good ones don’t really care about all that anyway.
Tip 5. Dress the part. I haven’t went into detail on here yet about how I think its inexcusable when people have no desire or just the complete inability to look nice in clothes but I hate those people. When you look and smell nice, people notice and it makes you feel good about yourself.
Tip 6. Exude Confidence. There is no reason why you shouldn’t think highly of yourself, period even if you aren’t the cutest there is some inner flyness in everybody, whether its through personality or intellect. Besides you know yourself better than anyone and if you aren’t completely confident with being you then no one is going to be confident with being with you.
**Now get out there and have some fun… Happy Dating**
Peaches&Gumbo
You are Just Too Damn Old!!
Hmmm.. So I had a very interesting weekend as usual. So the whole week last week this guy insisted that I come out to his party, even though I usually am not in the clubs like that I decided to go since my cousin was in town. We get there, walk up to the front and go in. Seems normal right… wrong!! Inside everyone is about 40 and up. I was so pissed. The men were adorned in linen leisure suits with those little sandals and the women had on the best Ann Taylor and Dress Barn money could buy, I was so offended. I was sure that any minute I would bump into my uncle or worst my grandfather. The night followed with everyone doing the electric slide and singing Frankie Beverly and Maze. Just bad, it was just really bad.
This experience inspired me to come up with my Do’s and Don’ts for the Old Folks…
- Don’t go to the club after the age of 45. It is distasteful to see an old man hounding younger females and dancing up on females, it makes me throw up a little in my mouth.
- Ladies: Don’t wear low cut shirts or short skirts/shorts. Things have happened over the years that make it no longer sexy for you to have your breast and butt even remotely out. Stop this no one wants to see it.
- Men: Don’t try to talk to girls that could be your daughter or granddaughter. This is utterly ridiculous and it makes you look like Chester the Molester.
- Don’t wear urban brands with logos plastered across them. These brands include but are not limited to Roca Wear, Baby Phat, Apple Bottoms, Enyce, Phat Farm and Sean John. They were not made for you, therefore don’t put them on your damn body.
- Do shop at Ann Taylor, J.Crew, Brooks Brothers and Gap. These places have as you would say,“hip” clothes that won’t make you look like you are trying to be young.
- Do have card parties or shin digs at your house, clubhouses, or restaurants.
- Don’t try and use the newest slang. Most times you are saying it in the wrong context and it makes you look old when you do that, not young.
- Don’t try and be young. It is a blessing that you have made it successfully to this age. Don’t shortchange your wisdom by trying to act like a 25 year old. It is unsuccessful everytime.
*If you are reading this and you are the Oldy But Goodies out there please abide by these Do’s and Don’ts. They will save you a lot of embarassment.*
*If you are reading this and you are not an Oldy but Goody please pass this along to that Mom, Dad, Aunt or Uncle who suffers from the not wanting to look and act their age syndrome, it will save their lives.*
Peaches&Gumbo
Case of the Ex
All of my friends are going to be mad at me about this post but so what it’s my freaking blog, lol. Why is it that no matter how hard you try you can sometimes never get over your wretched ex? Why is it that no matter where you go or what you are doing, sometimes everything reminds you of them? Why is that after one hundred months I am still wondering all of these things?
Someone once told me that however long you are with someone is the amount of time it will take for you to get completely over that person. Well guess what my due date passed awhile ago and he is still on my mind from time to time. I mean don’t think I am this crazy stalker person who can’t eat or live without him being around. Because trust me, I have been quite happy without him. It’s just that whenever I am in between a “relationship,” I find myself thinking of him and how we used to be and maybe even if we could ever get back together. So what do you do world, you do what no one should ever do.. you call them.
Yeah your weak ass calls him/her up. Why oh Why do we do this??? I ask myself this question every single time i do it. And the sad part is that i actually have an answer. We do it because we don’t want to be forgotten. We want to see that even though the other person has moved on that you still have some type of affect on them. In my case I usually don’t really care how they are doing or who they are seeing I just want to get a reaction when I call. Sad, I know. But I know I am not the only person who does this so stop judging me, lol.
Ok so let’s take a pledge everyone, repeat after me.. I (insert name here) will not call, text, facebook, or contact my ex in anyway. Because they are my ex for a reason. I will move on with my life happily and if I do have a sappy moment and have a memory about the lame I used to date, I will quickly replace it with an illicit image of (insert sexy celeb name here). And lastly but most important I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever have sexual relations with my ex because I am so great that he/she will get sprung and be hiding in my bushes.
Live by it, I am telling you I am an expert, I have been there over and over and over and over again. Don’t be like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peaches&Gumbo
peachesngumbo