What What in the Butt??

So I think i heard just about the craziest thing ever the other day. My friend was talking about a friend of hers who is dating this guy. As I listened to the shenanigans of the relationship that they are beginning to forge, my friend told me some very disturbing information. Listen to this world!! The guy tells her friend, “Hey, um if you ever hear anything about me sleeping with guys, don’t worry about it, it’s just a rumor.”

WHAT?!? I know you all are reading that last statement like. Burrrrrrrrrr!!(the Scooby Doo sound, not bear growl)  Clearly at this point in the relationship its time to get those bags and keep it moving fast!!

So my question to the ladies is, Why do you date clearly gay men? I mean this is just growing to be ridiculous. First we have women like Terry McMillan and Star Jones who have been married to gay men and they justify it by saying I didn’t see it coming  and there were no signs. Well ladies I am here to educate and help you so that you will not be forced into a relationship with a clearly gay man.

*Disclaimer* If you are homosexual, embrace it because others will embrace you. There is nothing wrong with this lifestyle at least in my opinion. Do what you do it’s your life, don’t worry about what others think of you!!

So here we go, these are my Signs that you Are clearly dating a Gay Man:

1. He gets his eyebrows arched: Look there is nothing wrong with a man keeping himself up and if you have a Bert (that’s a uni brow for people who never watched Sesame Street) then please go and cut that little middle piece off. But You should never have an arch, that is Clearly GAY!!

2. He has a suspect tattoo: Tattoos can be very sexy and even manly but if your boyfriend has a tattoo on his lower back or on his pelvic bone, he is Clearly GAY!!

3. You have heard from other gay men that he is gay: Now there are the circumstances where people start rumors. But if a group of your gay friends tell you that your boyfriend is gay it is almost 98% going to be the case that he is Clearly GAY!!

4. He has a couple of openly gay friends whom you’ve met: OK so yeah there are those friends who finally figure out that it is OK to come out of that closet and become openly gay later in life, these friends are the exception. But if your guy has several openly gay friends I hate to tell you that this just would not happen with completely Hetero men so he is Clearly GAY!!

5. He begged to go with you to the Beyonce Experience Tour,and the Sex and the City Premiere: I don’t think I have to explain this. But let me just say that the only guys who were pressed to go to these events were Clearly GAY!!

6. He gossips with you:OK there is nothing wrong with getting closer to your boo by talking to him about the ridiculous antics that your girlfriends do. But when you are so deep into gossiping about someone that you forget that you are talking to your boyfriend and you accidentally say, Girrrrrrrrrrlll. I am sorry he is Clearly GAY!! You would never accidentally call a guy this unless they were gossiping with you like your girlfriends do.

So ladies I hope this enlightened you on some situations you may possibly face or have faced.

Like I said earlier there is nothing wrong with being homosexual but come on please don’t involve others who are completely clueless to your lifestyle, it isn’t fair and it isn’t safe.

Peaches&Gumbo